Goodbye big toenails

I went to Irvine Central yesterday to have the toenails removed from my big toes. I’ve been having trouble with ingrown toenails for a long time and, since I was diagnosed with type-2 diabetes in July, it was decided that there was a higher risk of infection and it would be expedient to have them removed.

My brother picked me up from the ferry and, on the way to the hospital, my mum phoned. I’d neglected to tell her about the hospital visit. Oops. Having had the same procedure done herself, she told me to make sure that the podiatrist burned the mattress properly. At least that’s what I heard; my brother’s car is noisy. Turns out she’d been saying ‘burn the matrix’, which is the nail bed. I did tell the podiatrist and she had a good laugh. I then asked her if I could see the matrix if I took the blue pill. It went right over her and her assistant’s heads. Turns out neither of them had seen the Matrix. And it was such a witty joke on my part, especially when you consider what I was having done. Sheesh. I mean seriously, who hasn’t seen the Matrix? That’s like not having seen Star Wars!

Someone else going through the procedure