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Psalm 139

Music that fits my mood…

Gillean came round last night and we talked for a couple of hours. She helped me a lot. It has been a remarkable few days and I feel that I have grown. I wanted to know how to pray and it was great to have Gillean there to help. My good friend Michael also helped a lot on Monday night. And stupid me thought on Sunday that Michael wouldn’t be able to help. That’s what can happen when I’m spiralling down.

Gillean sent me a Psalm to help me pray and find a quiet moment:

Psalm 139

Lord you search me and you know me
you know everything I do
from far away you understand all my thoughts
you see me whether I am working or resting
you know all my actions
Even before I speak
you already know what I will say
you are all around me on every side
you protect me with your power
your knowledge of me is too deep
it is beyond my understanding.

Cams’ beliefs

Things are afoot. I’m in a pretty good place. It’s the music and the location. Arran has always been a place of magic for me; I always think back to the night when I finished reading London Fields that night in Hamilton Terrace. The magic and peace were are strong as I’ve ever felt that night. And now I sit looking out at the wind blowing the trees and it’s all still there.

I got down for a long time about the music. I wasn’t playing much at all. Too much too do; too tired; too busy. But now I’m in a bluegrass band with a bunch of great people and we just had our first gig and it was great.

And I’m off the Tramadol. I’m saying a lot of prayers these days, real proper prayers for guidance and help with tolerance, patience and acceptance. It seems to be working and I know that the more I do it the more it works. I feel like getting off to bed now for a prayer and to listen to some music.